open to all;

[theliar]

✿ how it works ✿


✿ Comment with one of your muses.
✿ Specify which muse you want of mine from THIS LIST. If you don't specify, I'll choose one for you!
✿ Set up a scene or prompt (song lyrics, a photo, a quote, etc). If you are lost for ideas, try PLOT PUNTER to generate an idea! Or just leave it blank and up to me.
✿ Profit! Tags will be slower than my game tags probably, so we'll probably backtag into forever. And if that's fine with you it's fine with me!

Comments

[mirabilis]

I can understand if you can't.

[ There's the difference to before, and Helena feels it, and knows it. There's still something of a conflict in her head, her thoughts - how she would have acted before she'd broken down and finally accepted her grief, and how she thinks on the situation now. The thoughts and ideas are still there, but Helena wouldn't have done it now, even if she did still believe it.

Helena knew that forgiveness was a lot to ask for, even hope for. She knew that everything had changed, that Myka likely couldn't think of her the same any longer, but still she needed to try. To hope ]

I know what I did, Myka. I also know that it's difficult to understand - to put yourself where I was.

[ And she would never hope that Myka could - how she'd felt, and everything from it that she had done? Feeling that pain, and anger - the contempt for the world and everyone in it. She wished that she could forget it herself, but that would be selfish again - she had to remember, to work through it. To never be that again ]

I hope that at least... that we can talk. As we did.

[ Even if Helena had lost her trust, and her friendship, she didn't wish to lose their conversations. The interest. Even if she was just a projection on whim now ]

[thedetails]

[Myka stared down at the floor. She was regretting this now; activating the sphere, even entertaining this talk with Helena. She thought it would be fulfilling but instead it just made her feel emptier.

She wasn't sure if she could understand what Helena did. She wasn't sure if she could understand what Helena did and, worse - she wasn't sure she wanted to try.

When Sam had died, Myka had been devastated. She'd lost a part of herself that she knew she'd never get back and, sure, she had been angry. But it hadn't changed who she was, not really. She couldn't imagine losing someone like a child, something she had brought life to only to see it squelched out. She could understand that pain, she could even understand the anger.

What she couldn't understand, didn't want to understand was taking it so far. The need to make the world suffer on the behalf of one little girl. And she didn't want to reach deep enough into herself to try to understand because she suspected if she did, Myka wouldn't be able to be angry at her anymore.]

Talk? [She glanced back up, her face blank.] Everything you said to me was a lie.

[mirabilis]

Not everything, Myka.

[ Certainly there had been things that Helena had said that hadn't been a lie - past truths and facts, but there had been more than that. Helena may have lied in order to get close to the Warehouse, to be trusted by them and even if originally it had all been a ploy it didn't end up that way. The Warehouse truly was her home - the place that she felt most comfortable, particularly now when she was even further out of place. She may have been able to have been more easily accepted by society now but it was almost in reverse this time - Helena wasn't certain how to accept this society, or how to live in it.

But as well as that it extended more - further than to just the place, but also the people in it. Claudia had become somewhat of a protege. She enjoyed the young girl's mind, seeing her creations and ideas even if she didn't really understand her as a person - there was the professional respect there, and that was real. And Myka? She had been a way in, someone that Helena had found easy to manipulate to gain her trust (she was H.G. Wells, and Myka had idolised that if anything). But that had changed, and that made it harder. It made it worse now, because Myka was actually a friend. She'd hurt people before, and killed before, but there had been a reason why Myka was still alive and that couldn't be a lie ]

I don't expect you to believe that, but you should at least know that. I did care. Perhaps not originally. [ And whilst she's already being honest: ] Meeting you, and running into you again may have been part of my plan to try and get back into the Warehouse, to get what I needed, but it doesn't mean that any friendships that I might have made along the way were anything less than what they truly were. [ And there's a pause, just for a second ] Real.

[thedetails]

[Myka felt like an idiot, because she did believe her. Desperate times called for desperate measures and there wasn't much more desperate than a human being trapped in a cage, and Helena had no reason to be truthful unless it helped her cause.

Of course, she was trapped now and really had no reason to lie, either. It wasn't as if Myka could do much to help her, even if she wanted to. Which she didn't, not particularly. Helena had made her own choices, and her punishment was her own to bear.

So why did Myka want to help her lighten it so much?]

You were my friend. [Myka looked down at her hands again, as if she were once again terrified of the woman in front of her. Myka's heart warred with wanting her friend back, and not wanting to be made the fool again.] Did you ever second guess it? Even for a second? [The question made Myka meet her eyes again, her gaze narrowed and probing. If there was any truth to the bonds Helena claimed to have formed with them, surely she had considered not going through with the plan at some point.]

[mirabilis]

[ It makes Helena a little happy to hear that at least, that Myka can - and will say that they were friends, even if the word were rather than are is involved. But she broke it, and she doesn't expect anything to simply carry on as it was even if she would like that. Everything that Helena had she knows that she'll have to work to get again, or work to at least get something back ]

Second guess you or what I did?

[ Whilst at first it may be a legitimate question it turns out to be a rhetorical one after Helena begins to answer it herself ]

I did. I began to wish that I'd been more distant, that the friendships were only there on appearance, rather than an actuality. [ Whilst she'd been passing her time at the Warehouse Helena had been glad of the friendships - the real companionship. It wasn't just having it after so long of being alone in her own thoughts but having a real connection to a world - a strange world. When it had come down to it at the end, when she'd had to make her move and choice in Egypt it had made everything so much harder. That was the turning point, the thing that would change everything, and she'd had to ask for forgiveness then because Helena knew that if she doubted it - herself for a moment more that she wouldn't have been able to do it. It tore at her, just as the final moment had and she'd had to seal everything away again, to try and not care; to betray; to finish it

But it wasn't just friendship that she had doubts on then, and that made it so difficult ]

Did I second guess what I was doing? It took a while. Being at the Warehouse my thoughts were there, reminding me of what I was going to do so that I could move everything along, but until the opportunity in Egypt I didn't think too much on it.

[ She didn't have to, not about acting. Until then it was just a thought. Setting everything up for those two travellers in Egypt had been easy, but then inside the Warehouse things had started becoming difficult. The tests to help them pass, and to stay alive... it tested more than what they were designed for. And that one moment, her almost dream of Christina... it solidified it further in her mind, reminded her of the why, of what she had to do but it also brought more pain than she had remembered in so long. Being bronzed Helena had felt more hate - hate masking her sadness and hurt, hate brought from her rage and revenge and that had been what she had become focused on. Until Christina, and though it had made her remember more why she'd originally planned this is had also weakened her a little. The start of her end ]

Thinking is certainly easier than acting, even if your motivation is there.

[thedetails]

[It's not what Myka wanted to hear, but it was what she expected. She can't be sure if it makes her feel better or worse, but it makes her rethink Helena's mindset. How a thought, a wish or a plan was different from actions. How many things had Myka herself wished to do but never acted on, because she knew it was wrong, or perhaps simply did not have the opportunity?

Myka liked to think she was better than that. Better than Helena. But what would she have done herself, trapped in bronze with nothing but her grief and anger to keep her company through the endless years? What would she have felt if instead of her home at the Warehouse, it had been Sam that awaited her in that vision? What if she had never learned to let him go?]

Christina is dead. [The words sounded unusually cruel once she spoke them, but it was a cruel truth.] You're aren't. She would have never wanted you to punish yourself - to punish the rest of the world for what happened to her.