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[ It's six months before FDR remembers Atia at all. Six whole months go by in his life before he remembers what happened to him. Lauren thinks he's gone completely insane when he tries to explain it to her. He tries to tell her about Annie and the boys, but none of it makes sense to her. She thinks he's lost it. Then she thinks it's a ploy to get out of his new budding life with her. Because why would FDR actually just say he wanted to leave when he could make her want to leave instead? The fighting starts and she's gone after a month of FDR claiming it was real. Just like that she left and his life was back in the same place it had been. Eventually he starts to think it's for the best though. It means that maybe he can find Annie and this can all just workout here in the real world.

Annie doesn't exist here though. He's tried every avenue known to man and she's not here. This isn't her world. He had heard that the world's weren't always in sync, but he always thought they would work out. They both had the familiar terrain and background going for them. Suddenly none of that mattered. She didn't exist here and it was like a punch to FDR's gut when he finally had to give up. He spent four months looking for her before he threw in the towel. Four months looking for a shred of himself from that place. Didn't exist though. Those boys were just pulled from existence and dropped wherever. He didn't speak to Tuck for a week. He grounded himself for a whole month before he finally started going back to his job.

Part of him wants to seek out other people, but he's just scared they don't exist here. Scared he's going to hit another brick wall of nothing. This is until he's sitting in JFK and he catches the title on a woman's book. The author is so painfully familiar that he's not sure what to even do at first. Castle. Richard Castle. Kate talked about him which means that if Richard Castle exists here she does too. She's New York City police and he's gonna have to work his ass off to get to her. He's not letting this opportunity slip through his fingers. Not when he has a chance to find someone that actually means something to him from that place. Someone that can actually look at him and not think he's cracking up because he's talking about Goddesses', collars and curses.

He spends two weeks in New York before he actually finds her. He's scared to even speak to her though because there's a chance that she doesn't remember like he did. There's a chance she'll look straight through him and he doesn't know if that'll be worse or just about even. It's another week before he gets up the courage to even speak to her. He goes to the station and asks to speak to her. A beat cop shows him into a break room and then disappears. A Hispanic gentlemen shows up and asks why he's looking for Kate Beckett. He mentions knowing her a long time ago and he leaves it at that. He's quiet as he waits until he hears the door open and turns around to see her. FDR just smiles and nods. ] Lookin' good, boss.

[ It took Kate just as long to remember, although she still hadn't entirely accepted it. The memories had started first in dreams; segments and events that felt alarmingly like reality even when she woke up in a cold sweat. Her behavior was erratic and her mind was scattered, and all of it was seen by everyone else as the remnants of her shooting. Part of that was true; even if she had overcome some of it on Atia, she hadn't remembered and the PTSD had picked up exactly where it left off. At first, she thought the dreams and flashes of memories were just another extension of her losing her mind.

It had made it easier to push Castle away. By the time most of her memories of the island had returned, they were almost strangers. She knew he was angry with her; for turning her back on the relationship he had wanted, for adding more bricks to the wall between them that he thought had finally been coming down. It was easier to blame on her shooting and her mom's death because that meant she didn't have to tell anyone else what had really happened. That she was struggling somewhere between the pain she suffered here and the realization that she had left her life behind on Atia completely.

Kate didn't even try to look for Ianto and Jack. Instead she cried herself to sleep at night thinking about the fact that she'd rather continue pretending they didn't exist in this universe than track them down and find out Ianto was already dead, and that Jack had already moved on to God knows where. Even if she could find Jack, she didn't think he would want her back. She would be nothing but a memory of what it was like to have once been happy, and a constant reminder of losing Ianto. She knew he wouldn't look for her for the same reasons. They had always been so alike in that way. Kate had lived so long wrapped up in the familiar agony of her mother's death, and now she wanted nothing more than to just cut the losses of lives that were half-lived and see if she could rebuild the ruins of the life she was now destined to.

Which is why she doesn't give it another thought when Esposito pokes his head into the bullpen and tells her there is someone waiting for her in the break room. "An old friend or something," he says. Castle isn't there - he's been out a lot lately, making comments that imply he is planning the end their partnership, comments that Kate pretends she doesn't understand because she's still not ready to accept she might have lost him, too - and she almost expects it's him playing a trick on her. Maybe a ploy to corner her and get her to finally open up to him. She picks up her coffee cup, not knowing what to expect when she enters the room.

And not sure what to say when she sees the familiar smile waiting for her. It's not the familiar face she expected at all. ] Oh my God. Foster.

Edited 2014-08-16 20:05 (UTC)

[ He's not even sure why he's here, but he knows he has to be. She's his last remaining link to that place if she remembers. The last person that remembers all that horrible crap they did to them. She remembers how it felt to be in love with someone and know they could be taken away at any moment. They had connected on a real level and he truly believed they had reached an understanding. They knew things about each other that let them connect. He was always good at reading her and she was good at reading him. Especially when they were trying to shut down and force people out of their life. When they were self destructing surrounded by people that loved them and cared about them. That's when it really kicked in.

When she says his name he actually feels like he can breathe. A heavy sigh escapes him and he smiles wider than he was originally. He was fully prepared to bail if he had to. Bail and come up with a lie if she just looked at him and nothing came back. He knows how hard it can be to make something work with someone that didn't know what they had gone through. Someone that chose you in the end. Lauren had chosen FDR. She didn't choose Tuck like FDR thought. She chose him and FDR still managed to make that relationship fail. Though some would argue it takes two to tango, but FDR would call them idiots because he was the one responsible for what happened with Lauren. Not her. ]

That certainly brings back some memories.

[ Because even if it's good to see here he's not gonna stop magically being an asshole. It did kinda put him in deja vu. Into a time when Kate was blowing up bridges all around her and FDR was looking past the whole tough chick schtick she was turning into a life style. She was his last remaining link. He wasn't sure if she had found anyone else out there, but she was the first lead that actually worked for him. ]

Did ya miss me?

You have no idea.

[ She'd thought about him. She had even missed him. Maybe not in the same sad, sickening, heart-wrenching way that she missed Ianto and Jack, but she had missed him. They had been friends; hell, he had been her family, in that way that Esposito and Ryan were also her family. She'd had her boys on Atia too, and they had meant a hell of a lot more to her than she had ever said. ]

How did you find me? [ Kate moved forward, fidgeting slightly. Half of her wanted to just rush forward and wrap him into a hug. To feel him around her again, as if the physical touch would finally prove to her that she wasn't insane, that it had all been real and maybe there was a chance of getting something of it back.

But she stopped herself, glancing out the window and seeing Ryan and Espo through the glass. They were chattering, shooting a sideways look to the break room and Kate caught her breath. She didn't need to do anything she was going to have to explain.

Finally, she sank into the couch across from him, leaning forward and keeping her voice low as she stared at him intently. ] I thought I was going crazy. How did you even find out that we... That I was even here?

I'm in the CIA remember? I could find you if you were halfway across the world with a fake passport in a hostel. It's not hard when you have the right resources.

[ He smiles though because that's not how he found her. He could thank the readers of America for the little tip off that Richard Castle was real in this world. Which then put him onto Kate and the rest was just cake. He didn't even think to look for her when he couldn't find Annie. He just just assumed all the worlds were disconnected no matter what. They were all pulled from different places. Or he just figured he wasn't lucky in that search. He thought he'd get another goose egg and have to go back to licking his rooms in the privacy of his own home. Didn't want anymore pity from Tuck.

FDR waits for her to sit before he actually tries to launch into this. He crosses around to actually join her on that couch. He doesn't see any reason for why he has to sit so damn far way from her. He turns to face her and smiles wide. It's good to actually get eyes on her. He'd missed her terribly. Having Tuck back was nice, but he did miss the people from the island. Ava was one of them as well, but he hadn't even tried to venture that far south. He wasn't sure how well he'd actually fit in there. He'd probably stand out pretty easily. ]

A book told me. I was in JFK on a layover when I saw someone with one of those Castle books. I figured if he was real in this world that meant you were too. I took a chance. Took me a couple of weeks to actually track you down. But I found you.

[ He didn't know the guys outside the glass, but they appeared to be worried about who Kate was meeting with. He didn't really think it'd be polite if he tried to make this situation just a little bit more weird. ]

You think you can duck out for a bit? I haven't been in a police station this long since I was in high school and my Nana let me rot for a night.

Yeah, sure.

[ Kate had been about to suggest the same thing, especially because Ryan and Esposito kept giving her that look and it was only going to be a matter of time before it was all around the precinct.

Considering her behavior lately, the last thing she needed was for people start speculating about her personal life again. She got enough of that with Castle being around. ]

I guess that makes sense. Wherever I am, Castle usually isn't far behind. At least that use to be the case. [ She pressed her lips together, thankful for about the tenth time that day that her partner had decided not to come in. His absence was a cooperative way for her to keep pushing him to a safe distance, and the last thing she wanted was to juggle the inevitable questions when an old friend showed up.

If FDR even qualified as a friend. They had been more than that, on occasion, back on Atia. She hadn't really thought about that, but now that he was here, it was a little hard to push into the back of her mind. ]

There's a place around the corner Remy's. Meet me there in twenty? I have to finish a few things up here and it's probably a good idea if we don't leave together.

[ He's about to ask what she means, but he figures he shouldn't press her for answers right here. It might be weird. Considering she's got two dudes watching them from the bullpen. She obviously hasn't told them everything that's happened back on Atia. Which he figures might just be something she's done to keep them safe. FDR probably should have kept his mouth shut with Lauren, but he had to tell her when he remembered. Had to get it off his chest. The only thing is that now she thinks FDR is crazy. Certifiable. Maybe she's not wrong. Maybe FDR is crazy. Maybe that place made him crazy.

There's a short pause as he looks back out at her team and then at her. ] Yeah. Sounds good. [ He rises from his seat and lets out a shaky breath. FDR starts for the door before turning to look at her once more. ] Don't stand me up, Kate. Don't think I could take that too. [ He swallows hard before turning back and exiting the break room in silence. He doesn't make eye contact with the guys as he's leaving. He keeps his head down and goes right for the elevator. He practically stabs the buttons. He's starting to feel shaky after all this. Seeing Kate and knowing she remembered made it all the more real.

He does as she says. He finds his way to Remy's and he lingers. He fidgets nervously in his seat. He scans his phone and texts Tuck that he's okay. Sometimes Tuck acts more like his wife than his best friend. He probably should have brought Tuck with him just to prove that he wasn't a crazy person, but he didn't know if that would even work. He'd probably spew some bullshit about shared delusions or something. He's just tired of having to duck his best friends questions about FDR's increasing erratic behavior over such a long stretch of time. ]

[ It occurs to her to stand him up, but the fact that he asked her not to shows just how much he really knows her. It eats at her, somewhere deep in her gut, and it's not even twenty minutes before she comes up with an excuse to shift her paperwork into Ryan's lap and then slips out. The looks on their faces imply that the rumors will fly the minute she walks out the door, but she doesn't think she cares anymore.

Kate is thinking more about FDR; about the friendship they had and the things he knew about her. He knew her better than anyone else in this world, back when she had found a way to open up more than she ever could in New York. By the time she walks through the door at Remy's, he is all she can think about.

It's easy to find him, since Kate knows the layout so well. It takes her moment to slip through the usual patrons and a few other off the clock officers who may have recognized her before she spots FDR, and she quickly slides into the seat next to him. ]

You want something to eat? They make great burgers here. [ She regrets it the minute she says it but it wasn't the worst opening she could have come up with. ] Let me at least buy you a beer.

[ He'd considered eating while he waited for her. Part of him just couldn't stomach it though. Mostly cause he was worried she wouldn't even bother to show up and he'd be left with more questions than answers. She was the last remaining link to Atia that he had. Annie didn't exist here. He thought about looking for Dean, but it just seemed weird. Plus Dean's world was always more supernatural than any of theirs. It would be a pretty slim chance that he showed up here doing what he did. Plus he didn't wanna stir that pot anymore if he didn't have to. He just needed to see someone that could tell him that he wasn't crazy. Someone that had been through it with him.

She's close to him and he's almost a little thrown. In the precinct she seemed farther away and not just physically as well. Mentally. Like she was trying to shove it to the back of her closet and FDR just forced it right back in front of her again. Which he probably had now that he thought about. There was no way to know if she would handle this the same way as him. No way to know if she'd wanna forget or try to find one last connection so they did't feel like a couple of lunatics raving about a secret magical sex island where you had to wear collars and jump through hoops. ]

You're the only person I could find that exists here. [ It comes tumbling right out. He meant to respond to her beer question, but he just didn't. Instead he opened his mouth and that came out. ] You and me are pretty much it. [ Annie's absence goes without saying. Mostly because he doesn't think he can verbalize any of it. Not right now. ]

[ Kate is admittedly surprised by the onslaught of emotion erupting from him and it catches her off guard. She stares at him as he speaks, her heart aching and breaking with every word, because she knows how much it hurts. He doesn't have Annie, he doesn't have the kids, anything that he would have loved and remembered is gone. It hurts as much as her own realization that Jack and Ianto were out of her reach, and it plagued her mind constantly and made her stomach turn.

She reached out across the table, taking his hand in her own and holding it as tightly as she could without hurting him. Kate had wanted nothing more than to forget about Atia. To take the everything she had felt there - the happiness, the pain, heartbreak, everything - and just shove it away with all of her other emotions and forget. She wanted to forget what she had so she wouldn't miss it anymore, the same way she did with her mother.

Foster was going to change all of that. She already knew it. He didn't want to forget, and he wanted her to help him legitimize everything they had been through. She didn't have the heart to turn her back on the person she had considered to be her best friend during much of her time there. ]

I'm here. I'm not goin' anywhere. [ She squeezed his hand again, leaning in closer so she could whisper to him calmly. ] It's okay.

[ As shitty as things could get in Atia at least he had Annie and the boys. Dean Winchester may have been the one person FDR could actually see himself knocking on his ass there, but he was apart of their world. He was the boys dad and he never wanted to cut the guy out that much. This is all just way too much for them to adjust to. She's lost not one, but two men she loved from that place. They took Annie away. They gave them things and then they just took them away like it was nothing. Like he didn't experience any of those things. How is he supposed to just settle after that? How is he expected to be okay?

FDR looks up at her hand and for a minute it's nice. Human contact. Human contact with someone who actually experienced that island and all the people. Someone who knew what it was like to lose someone after you decided you wanted to spend the rest of your life with them. Just stolen right out of their grasp. The only saving grace to all this is that she's not gone. Kate's not gone. She's right here and she's holding his hand which is the main reason he squeezes hers in response.

He looks up and every single ounce of armor that FDR has always prided himself on is just gone. His fancy suit means nothing. He might as well be wearing a t-shirt and jeans. The cynical smile and the half chuckle no longer remain. He's more Franklin at this moment than FDR. ] Gonna hold you to that, boss. Don't think I could handle another disappearing trick. [ He swallows hard. The emotion is thick in his throat. ]

[ She watched his armor fall and the knot in her stomach tightened, as did her grip on his hand. She knew that sign of weakness and her first instinct was to do everything she could do to protect him. He was one of her boys; her workmate, her friend, and once or twice, something more. She couldn't help but remember how comfortable she was with him, how easily he brought down her guard with that disarming smile and bright blue eyes. He usually made her weak but sometimes she also knew she had to be strong for him. ]

How long are you in town for? [ She leaned back slightly, but she didn't let go of his hand. She would let him decide when he wanted to break contact. ] I can take some leave, and we can figure this out together. I can help you find a hotel or... [ Another pause, as she considered. Kate still remembered how she had sought him out in her time of need, and how he had opened up to her. She imagined now wouldn't be all that different. ] You can stay at my apartment if you want to.

Not sure. Long as I need to be. I think the agency is starting to doubt my competence. Same with Tuck. I think he thinks I'm cracking up.

[ Tuck was his best friend, but it was true. He was watching FDR crumble. He was watching his best friend break apart at the seems because he couldn't get anyone to just believe him. It was a hard story to follow though. None of it made any sense to an outside and he can imagine it'd be hard to take it on faith a lone. Tuck may not have completely given up on FDR, but he can feel that trust slipping away. He's starting to truly believe that FDR is losing control of himself after all these years. He's starting to believe that he's lost his way.

FDR actually cracks a smile when she offers to let him stay at her place. He's suddenly painfully aware of how vulnerable he's made himself right now. He hasn't completely shut down on her. ] I see. Trying to lure me home again? [ He looks up at her and tilts his head. Distance through snarky humor. ]

[ Kate blinks and looks down, realizing that what he's saying about Tuck pretty much explains what she is going through, too. ] Yeah, so does Castle. He thinks it has to do with the shooting, though. [ Of course, it half did and it half didn't considering how long it had taken her memories of Atia to finally return. Kate wasn't convinced she wasn't losing it, anyway. So much of her life there seemed like a dream, even if the reality of it was sitting right in front of her.

His comment made her shake her head and crack a smile, though, because he's not that far off. She's lonely and desperate, reaching out to cling to anything that might make her world make sense again. And he just came waltzing back into her life, as if he is just for her. Someone who understands her, who gets her. Someone who will just let her be who she needs to be until she can fight through all this fog that seems to have settled in her head. ]

You can sleep on the couch. Besides, I'm pretty sure the last time, you were the one that did the luring.

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open to all;

AU Post Amatomnes. Maybe she tried to find Jack and Ianto too?

This is beautiful

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