embarkation | open to all;

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Um. You're kind of hermitting. I mean what do you call this? Answer me this, Kate, am I your only friend right now?

[ Because he's genuinely curious and concerned for Kate right now. If she's hermitting then he's gonna have his work cut out for him. Because it was hard as hell to break her out of this the first time when she was living alone. Drinking and making a damn fool of herself. ]

Sure. Look at me, boss. I ain't leaving you.

[ She refuses to look at him. Mostly because he's right; she is hermitting, just getting buy how she can and trying to move on. Nowhere near as bad as last time, to be fair, but things were different then. Now, she had better control over keeping her damaging behavior deep inside instead of out in the open. ]

We should call in the food order before it gets too late.

[ She hasn't looked at him. She looks anywhere, but at FDR. Which isn't good. Makes him wanna make her look at him. Which he could try, but he doesn't want to push her away either. Or get himself booted. She's the only friend that FDR has right now. Which is sad, but exceptionally true as well. ]

Can I eat it off you? [ He figures when all else fails humor is a pretty good follow up. He's always been like this with her though. ]

No.

[ It comes out too quickly to be honest, and she finally turns her gaze to him. He was her best friend, and yet she felt further from him now than she ever had before. Losing him the first time had been hard enough. Getting him back? Well, she was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. For him to vanish all over again. ]

Hopefully you'll choke on it. [ Her voice is kind, playful. She's joking with him, mostly to cover how much she hurts. ]

That's kind of rude. I hope you realize how much you've offended me, Kate. All I wanted to do is eat delicious food off of you. You have to be such a stick in the mud. I miss wild dysfunctional Kate. You should deal with your sadness through hot kitchen sex again.

[ His way of helping her is humor. Being the biggest asshole he can muster up so that maybe she can loosen up. Maybe she calm down. Maybe she can stop seeing him disappear right before her very eyes. So he does the best he can to be the most embarrassing he can. ]

Oh. Sassy. I like it. Tell I'm a bad boy too. [ He's clearly joking. ]

Foster...

[ She sighs, half wanting to kill him, half wanting to burst into tears and beg him to hold her. It's becoming harder to stave off the tears, because she can't get him leaving out of her head, she can't get any of them leaving out of her head.

She's so alone, lost in a desert, and she can't tell if FDR is finally a true reprieve or just another mirage. ]

I'm not really in the mood. Can we just eat and go to bed?

[ It's not the first time she's said his name with such annoyance. It definitely won't be the last. He can't imagine how it's been for her though. Having to hold down the fort on her own. Knowing she was alone here and not having her usual backup. Jack. Ianto. FDR. Raylan. Anyone that could potentially calm her down. Even Boyd.

He doesn't let up though. Because this is him. She knows that. She knows how he is. She knows that he's a child. She knows that he's inappropriate most of the time. ] Go to bed together right? [ Because he wouldn't be himself if he didn't ask that damn question and she knows it. ]

[ Of course he asks. Because even though he's her best friend, even though he seems to know her better than she knows herself, he can never give her a break. Or maybe that's why he never gives her a break? She wishes she had some idea, anyway. She doesn't even know what she's supposed to do with him now that he's here. ]

If you want to fuck me, Foster, all you have to do is ask. [ What is she going to do, say no? They both need it for survival. It's not like it means anything else anymore. ]

That's so romantic. I feel like you've swept me off my feet.

[ He throws her a smile. He asks because he needs to break through whatever walls she's decided need to be built up around herself. She needs to be pushed. To be talked to like this. She needs to stop putting her head in the damn sand and waiting for it all to pass. ]

What if I just meant sleep, boss?

[ She lets out a sigh, raising her eyes to look up into his. Sometimes he tries so hard with her, and it's really sweet. Breaks her heart a little, mostly because she knows she'll never be worthwhile enough for him. They are both far too broken to make something work. ]

Is that what you meant?

[ Maybe she's right about them broken. FDR does a damn good job of hiding how he feels. He's had years to practice it. Lying professionally for the CIA helped. His life is a huge wreck. Not to mention his wife is shacked up with her baby daddy and he's here. It's not all lollipops and rainbows. ]

Maybe. That freak you out?

Maybe.

[ He doesn't have to tell her about lollipops and rainbows. It's been ages since she had seen those. Ianto and Jack seemed a million miles away now, even if it had only been a few months. And with them, any semblance of happiness she had grasped for followed.

Part of her wanted to hope that FDR being back would change that, but part of her didn't want to hope for anything. ]

What do you want from me, Foster?

[ It's scary to have something, lose it and then get something back. You get paranoid. You worry it'll be snatched away again. FDR understands that. Part of why he didn't get close to a woman before Lauren was for fear of them being taken away somehow. That voice in your head that reminds you that you can lose people so fucking quickly. Important people. ]

I missed you, boss. Do you need a buncha answers right now?

I need some answers. I need something.

He left and came back. Maybe Ianto and Jack would. Maybe Bo would. But then what? They leave, they come back. Kate is so tired of people bouncing in and out of her life, whether it is their choice to do so or not is besides the point. She tired. She just wants someone she can count on.

I know you have your own shit going on, but I need something, Foster. I need to know if you're finding a new place to live tomorrow, if you're going to try to get your wife back, if you're planning on staying. I need something.

[ She's right. She might need some answers. He does have some when it comes to Annie and Dean. Because he decided the minute he touched down here he wasn't going to walk down that road again. He wasn't going to torture himself with that. ]

I'm staying. [ He steps towards her and reaches out to take her hands gently. ] I'm not going anywhere. Me and Annie? She never loved me and I know that. I wanna be happy. Not miserable. So I'm staying. If you don't mind.

[ Her first instinct is to recoil when he takes her hand, but she manages not to. Instead she feels his fingers tightening around him, as if she can just hold him there and make him not leave. ]

I want you to stay. [ The words are breathed out of her, slow and quiet, and she's not even sure he could hear her. ]

[ Maybe if he was standing back where he was he might have asked her to say it again. FDR can be an asshole. A childish one too, but for once in his life he doesn't say the dumbass thing. He doesn't ask her to repeat it or anything foolish. Instead he just smiles and squeezes her hand back. ]

Then I'll stay. As long as you want me to.

[ She appreciates him not making it into a joke. She hasn't been in a joking mood lately, and she doesn't have the energy to jab back at his barbs. ]

Okay. Well. That's settled, then. [ She turns away, picking up the menu. ] You want to order dinner?

I want to order all of the food.

[ Because maybe he's a little bit hungry. He needs to eat or he's going to eat everything that Kate might actually have in her kitchen. Which is probably not a lot because this is still Kate he's dealing with. ]

Do you think we could just sit on your couch and eat everything in sight?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

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